Au revoir les enfants

Au revoir les enfants

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind1

I wish I knew you when I was a kid.

Had I known you, I wonder how my life would have turned out?

Would the dazed years of childhood wonders have sparkled extra bright?

Would the world have turned a little quicker? To the jumping beat of a child’s heart, breath catching in throat and sprinting of thin legs, skipping across hot asphalt?

Or a little slower? To the patient burn of a candle inside, a butterfly breaking from its pupa in the window sill, the wind gently carrying dandelion seeds through the air?

Had the universe inside me expanded; shooting stars replacing meteors across that infinite space I had to fill?  So many things to see, so many questions to ask; a jumble of excited words and never enough answers. A present shared by two.

I wonder about the years of my beginning had you been there to take my hand. Had my heart grown a little fonder of those around me through the years? Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but you were never there. I long for a ghost of my imagination. Would you have been the keeper of my soul, my guardian angel?

I wonder if you would have licked the ice cream I spilt off my sleeve and watched me put band aid on the cut on my grassy knee? If the unsheltered sun would have colored your skin and hair as well as mine and made us white-toothed twin souls on the outside, too? Partners in crime. Brothers in arms. My bosom friend.

I wonder if the water would have felt warmer against my feet as I ran along the beach had you been there with me? Had I run a little quicker – maybe even outrun you ’till you were only a blurry figure against the world behind me?

I wonder …

I wonder …

Ivan's Childhood2

Ivan's Childhood3
Ivan’s Childhood, Andrei Tarkovsky, 1962

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