To lay my eyes on love.
I roamed the universe.
The northern lights.
The stars at night.
I left no galaxy unturned.
Yet love was nowhere to be seen.
Just hollow shells,
with defeated hearts.
you are not sure what you see
‘is it a man or is it a woman?’
but what you see matters not
not to me
i do not seize to be
i do not exist to be
what you see
why are you crying?
has life not been fair to you—
not been good to you?
have you stopped beating for beautiful things?
are you company-starved—
yet company no longer warms you?
i wonder that myself sometimes…
you take in so much—
you must burst!
but it becomes everything or nothing—
every impression, every notion, every sound
humans turn to moving dots
cold and soft
floating across the fields of vision
while few remain in your heart
will they too float away
like yourself some day—
who ever held yours?
I spend my days daydreaming
but my nights wide awake
waiting for some kind of epiphany
to curl up next to me
and whisper in my ear.
— Kristen Costello, Insomnia
I watched what I could never live
could never understand
eyes tearing into canvas
tearing eyes from sight
fixed on the conqueror of all-white
stagnating my own
gripping breath ’till it was done
and I knew then
in that second
that I could never go back
to the person I was
I am so distant from the hope of myself, / in which I have goodness, and discernment, / and never hurry through the world / but walk slowly, and bow often.
— Mary Oliver, from Devotions: The Selected Poems of Mary Oliver; “When I Am Among The Trees”
whatever mighty forces out there
merciless Mother Nature
unbending Father Time
protect the children of this earth
let them seize to suffer under hand
let them meet this life fully formed
not broken and scarred before time
let them see before you take away sight
let them feel before you take away heart
if I were a supernatural being—
if I could
I would swallow the darkness coming their way
carry the burden myself
and let darkness swallow me
roam my inner being only
and protect them from harm
but—gods help me!—I too am human
I am frail and weak and protective of myself
I cannot help but repel unwanted darkness
then how do I carry any burden
beyond my own?